Get Ready To Be Confused!

First of all my chemo is done! Tomorrow I start the first phase of maintenance chemo every 3months for 2 yrs. Maintenance chemo is non toxic so I'll be able to continue on with everyday activities. Dr Chin-yee explained me that I only achieved partial remission which at first to me sounded pretty shitty! He then explained that it's partial because the CAT scan still sees something there. He told me if the CAT scan doesn't pick up anything it would of been full remission. This doesn't increase or decrease my chances of relapse significantly he told me. Basically because there something there doesn't mean it's cancer still... But it could be inactive cancer cells hopefully never to grow again. Even when in full remission there is still cancer cells there just not enough for a CAT scan to pick up. He told me Doctors tend to pat themselves on the back when full remission is achieved. He said the reality is we have full remission people walk in 6months later and have relapsed. In a nutshell not a significant increase or decrease in relapses between full and partial remission. He did say slightly better results in full remission. He said his gut reaction is a long remission and who knows with any luck maybe a forever remission. He did assure me Follicular is completely unpredictable and I've figured that out. Now he told me that the reason they treat with CHOP-R chemo in young people is the hope of a cure or a long remission. If they don't get a cure or long remission he assured me I have lots of options available. If I relapse they may consider doing nothing for 2 or 3 years. They could try other chemos and of course the possibility of a stem cell transplant which gives me a 40% chance of cure. So as the doc says we have some bullets in the chamber if we need them. So I feel overwhelmed but upbeat! Hope I didn't confuse you!

CAT Scan results tomorrow!

Well Thursday I find out the results of my CAT scan. For all of you that follow you know that if the tumor is shrinking still then I have one more chemo if the tumor is the same then no more chemo. I'm not sure which result I'd prefer. If the tumor is the same then I know the chemo has done as much as it could... If it is still shrinking then I'll wonder if the cancer is still there! So it's a catch 22! Even though my body has handled the chemo well I'm tired of doing chemo and would rather not do anymore. Of course  I'll see the doctors every 3 months for the next 2 years for checkups and maintenance chemo! So yeah for me! The maintenance chemo is non toxic so I should be able to carry on with everyday normal life throughout the maintenance stage. Dare I say I hope the damn thing comes back... Then I'll kick it's ass again!!!

I continue to visit Wellsprings which is a cancer support center in London. I love the art therapy and the yoga the best. I haven't been going to the reiki as much or the theraputic touch. I continue to hang
with all my cancer buddies. Thanks to the Stupid cancer and wellsprings I've met and developed great relationships with people going through the exact same thing I am.... These friendships helped me tremendously throughout my treatment. Thank-you to my parents and in laws who watch my children so I can socialize. I've had a chance to hit  goodlife to workout this week and I've felt amazing because of it. I'm hoping to drop the 30lbs that I've gained in the last 6 months of chemo. Fatty daddy as I call myself. I want to tie my shoes without my head turning red. I've felt so positive lately most likely because I've been feeling so well and the darn weather has been so nice. My next goal is to get a plane ticket to Vancouver in August to visit my brother. I think a trip to see him would be healing you know the mountains and to witness the west coast way of life.  Keep an eye out for this Saturday's London free press I have a small part in a story with young people with cancer! You can look it up online if you don't live in London. The story will shed light on the difficulties of young people with cancer. This story is important because I never realized the road blocks that young people have to deal with once diagnosed with cancer. Simple things like dating,finding a job, having a baby, life insurance, finding support, and many other issues. Funny story that happened to me today I had my personal trainer call to set up an appointment to train with him. He wanted to no when we could setup a date to train. I told him I didn't want to set up anything until tomorrow when I found out if I had to do more chemo on Friday... A long awkward pause came on the other line... I could feel the poor guys horror. So I said I'll call him tomorrow when I know my results. I hope he answers the phone! The day before I was calling for car insurance quotes and one of the agents started going into the need to have life insurance. He pushed a bit harder even after I told him I already had a policy that I was happy with. So I dropped the cancer bomb and end of conversation. So if you want to end a conversation with an insurer just drop the cancer bomb!!!

I've been so lazy!

I have to say that the last 2 weeks have been exhausting. My youngest brother came from vancouver for easter and that was the big surprise since my parents had no idea. It made for an eventful week. I took the girls to Windsor so we could hang with Matt. Unfortunately Marissa and I caught some stomach flu thing and I spent alot of time in bed... It was nasty and combine that with the chemo it made for some rough days... But all is good now! I think we passed it on to half are poor family! Sorry Guys! I missed the stupid cancer that I was so excited for because I was laid up in  bed all day tuesday.

Well I'm scheduled for the big CAT scan next wednesday. This will tell me of course if I'm done or if I have to do one more chemo. Health wise I feel pretty good my stamina is low but that's to be expected. I have my gym membership and I'd like to start hitting the gym next week and get this pudgy drugged up body in shape. Of course the reality of starting my new cancer fighting diet will start SOON as well as exercise. I need to be in the best shape of my life in case I have to fight the beast again! There's no more excuses as far as I'm concerned my little girls depend on that. It would be nice to grow hair on my body again and of course the possibility of going back to work! I will also be doing a maintenance chemo every three months for 2 years after my last chemo. Of course I will be getting checkups all the time for relapses... As I cruise back into my life after chemo. I wonder what this will be like? I've talked to a lot of people who went through the chemo treatment and so many of them say it's harder going back to normal then going through the actual chemo. They say leaving the comfort zone of the treatment and having someone always watching you can be frightening. When you go back to work everyone thinks well he looks great he must be fine! This just simply is not always the case... I don't know how I'll feel when I get to this point. I'm pretty laid back and I don't dwell to much on what I've been through just looking forward to living every day the best I can from here. I'm so pooped I'm going to bed! Goodnight!

Chemo 7 Done!

Well I had chemo #7 yesterday and I must say I feel pretty darn good to... Maybe the chemo is going to take it easy on me again and that sounds ok to me... I'm going to put some pics of me from the chemo suite just to give everyone an idea of just how much drugs they put in to me! Which is an awful lot of drugs yuk! Kinda of a neat thing they do at the chemo suite... They have a bell in lobby and when you do your last chemo you get to come out and ring the bell. It was quite surreal and a nice touch because there so many people in lobby and the nurses also follow you out... So DING DING! that's me ringing the bell followed by lots of cheering,clapping,and hugging. I didn't think this would have such an effect on me but I have to admit it made me cry!!! You know alot of things went through my head when the bell rung, but mostly the gratefulness I felt towards those nurses and the love and care they've given to me... Also how sick to my stomach I was when I heard the london health and science center wants to layoff cancer nurses so it could hire another CEO. Disgusting! Our local MP Deb Matthews give your head a shake get down to the cancer clinic watch those nurses save lives!

To be cured or not to be cured!

That is the question and no one is positive on the answer. Today I went in for my check up with Dr. Chin-yee which was great because I had alot of questions I wanted to ask him. He is the big cheese in oncology the best of the best. Not only that... when you ask him a question he explains in detail why they do things a certain way and gives pros and cons to everything! The appointment started out as they always do I lay down and the doc feels all my lymphnodes throughout my body.... Followed by a series of general overall health questions. This time much like my last appointment they talk about how well the chemo has worked! Then Dr Chin-yee talks about the possibility of a cure!  CURE! I'm confused because I thought there was no such thing. Dr Chin-yee is cautiously optimistic about a cure but shit I'll take it!!! The doc's seem to be more optimistic every time I walk through the door. Realistically if they told me today I was cured I'll still worry everyday about relapsing until the day I die... Of course he talks about the reality of relapsing and that I still have many good treatment options if I do relapse. So today I have a huge burst of confidence in my overall health. Still I have cancer and it may never go away totally. I also pressed him about the possibility of doing a PET scan. This particular scan is and imaging scan like the CAT scan but is a newer technology that supposed to be the new measuring stick for detecting cancerous cells. Dr Chin-yee sat down and explained the pros and cons to the PET scan to me. He didn't believe it was a particularly good scan against follicular NHL especially when you have more then one area of involvement of the lymphnodes which I do... He explained that this is a much better test for Hodgkins lymphoma which is cancer that is localized to the areas where the tumors are found. He told me that they can scan an actively growing cancerous tumor and the PET scan can come back as not cancerous even though the tumor is actively growing. Now he told me if after all the chemo was done and my tumor was still rather large then they would consider doing a PET scan. He said he's been burned twice in his career on PET scans. What he said was the PET scan gave him a false sense of security leading him to treat areas that he said didn't need to be treated... So for my particular case he doesn't feel comforted by a good or bad PET scan result for me... He would rather go with the CAT scan where they physically measure the tumor to see if it is growing or staying the same. After he explained this to me I felt much better. So I'll have another CAT scan in 3 to 4 weeks if my tumor measures the same I'm in remission but if the tumor has shrunk I'll be going in for and 8th and final chemo. He also said that he'll do another CAT scan in 3 or 4 months to make sure I'm in true remission... I also learned that rituximab which is the maintenance drug that they give every 3 months for 2 yrs after chemo. They used to only offer this to grade 1 and 2 NHLers the maintenance drug because studies showed greater distance between relapse but not so much with the grade 3a and b me being 3a. But now they offer the maintenance to grade 3's if I want it because rituximab is non toxic or basically because it doesn't hurt. So it's worth a try I think... I also asked him about radiation for my left over tumor. Once again since I don't have a localized tumor it's not practical to radiate all over my body. If I had one localized tumor then they might radiate... It's a possibility that I could relapse in one area and they might radiate the area that relapsed. So if this is all hard to follow that's ok it's confusing and I read and talk about it everyday with fellow NHLers. Keep in mind there are a million ways to treat Follicular NHL and theories on how to treat it. Treatment is changing so fast that most likely someone diagnosed today would be treated differently then me.

I'm so glad everyone likes the colors of the blog. The slide show has so many more pics but for some reason they're not all showing up I'll have to fix it. Linda you tell mike I'll be at golf with a big smile ready to kick some butt!
Oh and I have chemo tomorrow quite possibly my last one!