Crazy Cancer!

Dano M nice to hear from you hope all is well with the diabetes. Jewel & Eric have fun at hockey today I didn't sleep well last night so I'm going to stay home and sleep... Erin your not addicted as long as you continue to take care of the kids which I know you're good at.

Well yesterday was one of those days that just explains how tough sometimes cancer can be. Things go so well during the day and then nightime was a rough one for me. Health wise I feel great through the chemo and I'm very thankful for that. I think I feel better through this round then I did in my last. One side effect this time is hair loss. My facial hair is growing back like an old man. My chest hair is patchy and thinned out and the hair on my head is even less. I really don't find this a big deal at all. Just thought it was interesting to see the drugs working now and causing some side effects. The predinsone didn't seem to effect me like the first cycle either not sure if the ginger root I took this time helped relieve the symptons or if therapuetic touch or meditation helped with the sleeping. Overall very happy with the second cycle of chemo.

I went to Wellspring at 10:30 for some meditation to help with relaxation it was my first time so I was a bit nervous. Most of these people have cancer or are cured so it's nice to hang out with people who are cured or surviving. I was there early and met a lady we talked for about 10 minutes about having cancer she is now cured. Her story was funny she said that she was diagnosed with cancer and had 7 opinions before the 7th doctor told her she needs to face the truth and go get treated. She is a self described health nut and has never been sick a day in her life. When she went in for treatment she felt great and couldn't believe she was there. I know how she felt because other then this stupid lump I've felt great through this whole thing. Anyways people started coming in the room in the back for the meditation I figure there was about 10 of us. They tell me this was much less then they usually get. The room was packed... so that means standing room usually so I'll have to get there early. The lady leading the meditation was great I'm a first timer so she explained everything and how it would go. Didn't realize how hard it was to meditate. To stay in one spot for such along time and not to move or say nothing is not my thing. But I'll have to work on it because I did enjoy the challenge. I didn't realize how spiritual the meditation is. I always thought you just tried to think about nothing and relax your body which is part of it to. I've got alot to learn and am along way from competing with the monks. I do kinda look like one though. Anyone want to buy me an orange wrobe for christmas. Maybe I could meditate with a pickle in my mouth.

Then I went out to work to see the guys. These guys are the best were just like a family. You could be on your death bed and walk in there and they make you feel good. I miss the jokes and the challenge of work and the fast pace... But I need to be home mentally healing right now and don't feel guilty about being away from work. Just wanted to make sure they were doing a good job as they always do. Sometimes us autoworkers get a bad wrap. But if people could see the situations that were put in and the things these toolmakers repair when these machines need to run you'd all be impressed. Lots of skill there trust me!

Later Jen got the kids off to bed and ran out to the grocery store to get me some fritos. What a great wife! We laid in bed to watch a movie which was nice since we haven't had much time to relax since the diagnoses. About an hour into the movie I passed out. Marissa snuck in are room around 1:30 am and woke me up. I was a bit stuffed up and wide awake so I just took my pumpkin head and moved on downstairs. As I sat alone bored I started to get mad at this cancer I was pissed and not happy with why this was happening to me. Just sat and reflected and alot of good and bad things run through my head. I can't believe that many thoughts can run through your head in a short time. This is the way some nights go and I understand that I don't get to worried about it. About 4:30 am I hear Mikayla calling Daddy Daddy! This is unusual she's a good sleeper and hardly ever wakes up. I run upstairs and jump into bed with her and take her in my arms. This is what daddy's do and this is what I'm good at. I begin to think this is what little girls need. They need there daddy's to hug them in the middle of the night to keep them safe to comfort them. That's what I do and I'm good at. How dare this cancer try and take this away from my girls makes me sick to my stomach! They deserve to grow up with a mom and dad. That's why I write this so they know if things ever take a turn for the worse they will always be loved. I cry for a bit while I lay beside Mikayla give her lots of hugs and kisses. She's already sleeping because shes so comfy with daddy. I stare at her beauty for a bit just amazed at how we created such a beauty. I think for awhile about Marissa she's just another beauty. She's my little salesmen always trying to sell me a line of crap to get what she wants. She's great at it and I love playing the game with her she always makes me laugh. So now I'm laying in bed laughing thinking about how funny my girls are and what little stinkers they can be... I have alot to be thankful for!

I want to thank miss Sarah the girls daycare teacher for dropping off gifts for the girls. They each got a barbie which they haven't put down since they received them. They polished off the candy to!